Part-time Boi

I know that all I’ve posted lately have seemed self pitying and down, which is usually not who I am. I still don’t feel that happy or upbeat. I think I’m actually depressed but I don’t know how I got here. Will things get better once I can eliminate school for the equation or will I stay the same?

I feel like every part of my being is just starting to give up. I’m usually a very strong willed person but everyday is a constant battle. Every day I feel like the odds that are against me are winning. How did it come to this? When did it come to this? Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel for me or will I contain to spiral down until I hit rock bottom? I just want something good to happen and something to change in and around me.

I know that noone reads this but it helps me get things off of my mind. For the past week, or possibly month, I’ve been a little down on myself. I can’t call it depression because I don’t know if I’m sure of what that really is. I know that I just lack any positive motivation in my life to do anything anymore. I don’t feel as happy as I used to about anything at all. I try to do things that will make me happier but it never really works. In the end I’m stuck sitting around wondering and thinking of things to make the pain go away. I just want to be able to be happy with myself and the things that I am doing.

Today won’t be a good day for me. There’s way too much going on so I have nothing better to do than place my mind on other projects around me. Fml

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I constantly feel this way, but I do. Why won’t this feeling just go away? Everyday there’s a little thought. The haunting I my dreams are continuously pulling me back in when I’ve tried to get so far away. How can I work on me if there’s still a piece missing?

It’s another one of those days and I don’t know what to do. I’m pretty sure I really messed up this time but I know she’ll come back. I need to find a resolution.